On the Road

Post #100

Well supposedly this is my 100th post which is a pitifully small number considering the amount of time I've had a blog up and running! Oh well, at least there is something going out for you to read!

I'm sitting up late in Jeff and Beth's room at the YWAM university of the Nations in Kailua-Kona, Hawaii, listening to Sigur Ros, and it's definately time for a little bit of reflection. Ten minutes worth anyway!

It's been a stunning two-and-a-half months here at the Compassion DTS. Looking back, I don't feel like the same person who arrived here on September 26th. God has broken me down, and rebuilt many parts of me, and is now pouring himself back into those places. I was talking with Jeff tonight and it's exactly like a picture I feel the Lord gave me before I came here. In fact, I was praying about doing this DTS back in like March with Jeff, and this was the picture that was pretty much the confirming factor in my choice to come here.

I was standing in the throne room of God (I could tell you exactly what it looked like), and I saw God's hands holding my heart. It was a fleshy heart, but as he held it, he began to stretch it, and it fell lip in his hands like a balloon. Then, God began to pump his blood into it, through one of the open veins. As he pumped his blood in, my heart became full, and blood began to spurt out of the open arteries and spill onto the floor. The drops were dropping onto a map of the world, and as I watched the drops spread out to cover every continent on that map.

In looking back now, the first part of that dream has definately come to pass. God has stretched my heart to the MAX, leaving me totally limp at times. he's now pumped so much of himself back in, that it has to start spilling out! We'll see if it affects the whole world like I saw it do!

Love you all. Pray for me.

John

Thought for the night...

Holiness.

What is that?

Is it just the absence of sin?

No.

That's part of it.

Holiness is actually actively demonstrating the character of Yaweh.

So instead of simply trying to not sin, it's about living out the character of God.

Think on that. Wish I could explain it better but - it's late!

Love you all.

One for the fridge

Just thought I'd share a photo of me in Makapala with you all! Missing you all bunches!

PS see that awesome camera I'm holding? Someone on this DTS gave that to my teammate Tim with an awesome lens on it. Gave it. God is good. This is Tim.

Oh yeah and here's another good one. Basil and I took this after running across lava rock for 45 minutes in flip-flops with a flashlight to get to the lava. And we couldn't even get closer than about 250yds!

Laying it all down...

So yeah. This is the second to last week before we fly out to Mozambique. Once again, apologies for not blogging regularly enough to give you an accurate picture of DTS here.

Looking back though, I'm glad that I haven't blogged too much. This stage of DTS, lecture phase, has been an intensely personal time, along with the other 85-odd members of the school. There is definately a lot more I could have shared, but then there's a lot that's good left just between my heart and God's. Apologies aside, however, there is a lot that I would like to share with you, and I'm fairly sure the rest of my life will be part of that process. This DTS has been pretty amazing.

As I left England my prayer was “God, would you consume me?”. That question was in no way an idly spoken statement. It came from deep within my heart. God had been speaking to me in the month up to my departure about the true cost of following Him. I had a realization at a deeper level than ever before how the only offering of worth which I could lay on the altar as worship was EVERYTHING. Not just because he desires it, and that’s what my response should be, but what other response could express back to God just how grateful I am for all He’s done? What else could I bring before so faithful a Saviour?

What does it mean to be consumed? The website Dictionary.com states it this way:

con·sume /kənˈsum/ [kuhn-soom]

–verb (used with object)

1.	to destroy or expend by use; use up.

2.	to eat or drink up; devour.

3.	to destroy, as by decomposition or burning: Fire consumed the forest.

4.	to spend (money, time, etc.) wastefully.

5.	to absorb; engross: consumed with curiosity.

–verb (used without object)

6.	to undergo destruction; waste away.

7.	to use or use up consumer goods.

I often hear Christians ask God to consume them, but I don’t think there’s often a true realization of what that means. I know that I have said that to God, or similar things, and not truly grasped the depth of what that statement entails. But, this summer, more than ever before, I knew exactly what I was saying – “God, would you take all that I am, all my gifts, all my stuff, and use it, burn it, spend it; use it as fuel for your purpose and will – burn me up, until there’s nothing left”. When something is completely burned, all that’s left is the carbon shell of what it was. There is nothing of value left (Although carbon is the building block of diamonds – there’s a good analogy in that, treasure in heaven etc. – but that’s not the point).

I think God is taking me at my word.

I came here knowing God. I knew who he was. I knew him. I knew me. I knew my purpose in life. I knew a lot.

In this time I’ve found out how much I didn’t know. How much I was missing out on. I’ve found out who I truly am in Christ. I’ve found out the authority he’s vested in me. I’ve found out what it means to have Holy Spirit residing in me. The list is endless, but you get the point.

I’ve found out how much of me he requires. He’s beginning to ask for those things which I have offered him. The first week of DTS he asked me to lay down a big dream. He’s asked me to lay down money. Stuff. Security. Rights. Fears. Lies I’ve held to. People I’ve held to. Pride. God has been paring me down, exposing areas of me in which he wants control like never before. He’s taken me back to simple faith in him, while at the same time expanding my mind, heart, and soul with all that he is.

And this is not an idle process. This is for a purpose. On the 17^th of this month we fly out to a completely broken and hurting nation, hoping to bring not only the gospel, but the Kingdom of God to Mozambique. How in the world can we do that as a team if as individuals we’re still holding on to so much? How can I serve God for the rest of my life, living as I know he wants me to, in FULLNESS of who I am in Christ, if I haven’t sacrificed all to Him?

So I sacrificed it, laid it all on the altar, and now the Consuming Fire is doing his part. I’m being consumed. I have never experience such refinement. It isn’t very much fun in fact. But I know there is purpose in it!

We fly out to Mozambique in two weeks, knowing that we are nothing, that in our strength we will do nothing productive for the Kingdom, and so we cling to Christ. We cling to Him knowing that he is the only one who can possibly bring fulfillment of all that we dream of. We cling to him because he is the one who brought us freedom.

And we lay it all down saying “Consume us God, and let us be the fuel for your purpose. Let us burn scorching hot”. I wonder how long we’ll last?

Sic photo courtesy of Brandie Stanley. Many thanks. Click for the bigger view. You know you want to!